A big part of the work I do is allowing people to be where they are, allowing them to feel what they’re feeling, and to let the feelings move through.
Most feelings only last a few minutes. Someone told me that a long time ago and I didn’t believe it. Then, I started observing, and I found it to be true.
If you can acknowledge what you’re feeling, find it in your body, let it be whatever it needs to be, you will quickly see it dissipate.
So much of the time, especially with women, we aren’t allowed to feel what we’re feeling and we were taught this from an early age. My Dad’s favorite sayings were, “Dry it up” or “Here, cry in my hand”. I learned to stuff my emotions because no one could ever hold space for them.
And, it still happens all the time. If you express anything negative, someone is right there trying to cheer you up or solve your problem. Just today, a question was posed in a group I’m in. I was venting about how COVID set my business finances back, so it’s been hard to spend money on advertising and other things to continue to grow my business. The reaction was a giant list of the ways I could “fix” this, most of which I’m already doing.
I’ve never been one who appreciates unsolicited advice, even if the person is spot on at the time. I can’t hear that person, when I’m in the middle of feeling. I’ve worked very hard over the years to stop giving unsolicited advice and when I slip up, I notice it, and apologize.
When we don’t acknowledge our feelings, we stuff them. A common stuffing ground for women is the pelvic bowl. That’s what we do a lot of in our sessions, unstuffing the bowl.
We generally don’t need more advice. Women are so wise. We know what we’re doing too much of or not doing enough of. What we need most is the space to be, feel, experience.
Who holds space for you?
Who do you hold space for?
How can you hold more space for the women in your life?
Nothing will rev up the rebel girl in me more than being shushed, being told to “smile” when I’m not feeling it, being told “everything will be okay”, or being given advice when I’m not asking for it. So, basically, she’s active a lot.
The next time you feel emotionally triggered by something, see if you can hold space for yourself. Can you stop and really feel what you’re feeling and name it, like, “I’m feeling really angry right now”. Close your eyes and notice where you feel it in your body. What does it feel like? Is it tight, closed, or open? Does it hurt? Do you want to cry, scream, or let it out in another way?
If you stay with it, it will likely dissipate in just a few minutes.
Then, you can move on to being resourceful, cheering up, and getting back to positive thinking.
Try it this week with yourself and your sisters. Right now more than ever, we could use some serious space holding.
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